Happiness — probably one of the most discussed subjects in the world. After all, who doesn’t want to be happy?
And yet, for most people, this feeling seems to be always out of reach. No matter how much effort they put in, they just can’t seem to find real and permanent happiness.
Just a short while ago, I wasn’t feeling happy myself. I wanted to explore and dedicate some time to figuring out what I wanted in life.
I quit my job, went on solo trips, and worked on start-up ideas. I pursued tens of interests and in the process created this blog.
In essence, I made a comprehensive list of everything I wanted to do and focused on doing them one by one without any constraints.
This experience changed my perspective on life.
While I’m no expert on the secret of happiness, I noticed that I did exactly four things that helped me become happier.
These four things, I realized, were also what I loved doing when I was a kid.
And that revelation was a game-changer.
The Roots of Unhappiness
Countless people around us seem to be unhappy in their personal or professional lives. Sometimes it is because of a person, other times it is due to an event (eg. daily grind at the job).
The equation is always the same: You want the reality to be X. But unfortunately, it is Y.
Your heart yearns to somehow change things from Y to X, but your mind frustrates at the fact that it is complicated, if not impossible. You find yourself frequently thinking, “I don’t have a choice.”
But neither the other person nor the job is the source of your unhappiness. These are simply mediums that trigger a realization that you’re unable to get what you really want.
The mind often mistakes the stimulus to be the cause.
Scientifically speaking, your feeling of happiness only depends on your brain secreting the “happy hormones” (Serotonin, Dopamine, Oxytocin, and Endorphins). This is irrespective of the environment or the stimulus – you could feel happy in the most torturous circumstances depending on the chemicals in your brain.
The problem is that most of us are unable to consistently maintain that happy state of mind. In fact, if we could, there would be no reason to write this post.
This state of mind, where your happiness is fully derived from the present and is independent of any expectations from the future, is a permanent thing.
And I believe that this state can be achieved by doing something that we used to do as a kid — being the most authentic version of ourselves.
Specifically, we need to engage in activities and pursuits that define us. These activities are different for each individual.
The key is in finding these activities. But how do you do that?
There are 4 things you need to do in order to get what you need to become happier.
1. Find your childhood passions
How would you live life today, if you had the freedom to become your seven-year-old self?
Take a piece of paper, and write down ten activities you liked doing as a child.
Feel free to write anything that comes to your mind, for example sketching, playing with toys, running, etc. Don’t put any constraints – nobody’s watching.
Moreover, ten is just a number. Write down as many things from your childhood as you feel like.
This is the Master List of your interests.
Now divide this list into three parts.
The first group will have the top 2-3 activities that you absolutely loved doing. These were the most memorable things that you can remember, and just the sheer thought of them sparks life in you.
The second group will have activities that you may not have done regularly, but you still remember that occasionally, it was fun to try your hand at these things.
All the remaining activities go in the third group.
Our objective is to incorporate the first & second group activities as integral parts of our lives.
Now hear me out. The key here is to not focus on the activity per se, but the underlying motivation behind it.
As a kid, certain activities provided us with the stimulus to make ourselves happy. We want to achieve the same stimulus as an adult.
For example, as a child, I used to carefully open the toys apart to understand how they worked. Then I’d try to reassemble them.
Fundamentally, I did that for two reasons:
- I enjoy understanding the logic behind how things work
- I derive fulfillment from the act of creating something
Now, with this blog, I frequently break down the logic behind things and create new posts on topics that I want to.
Both these traits – understanding how things work and being creative is part of my core personality (FYI, I’m an ambiverted INTP).
Engaging in activities that make use of your dominant personality functions makes you feel happy and rejuvenated.
Deep-dive into each activity and identify what exactly should you do to recreate the same emotions as an adult.
2. Keep Exploring
One of the most remarkable things about children is their innate curiosity. Their knowledge of this world is limited, which drives them to try out new things.
An exploratory nature allows them to have new experiences.
Being an adult should be no different. Stagnancy in life makes it mundane and boring.
So get out of your routine and explore something new. Learn a new skill. Take a course on a topic you have absolutely no idea about.
Half our lives are spent trying to play it safe, which barely leaves any room for experimentation. Go outside the norm and fail at something you always wanted to try.
Getting out of your comfort zone is risky and at times stressful, but equally rewarding. When you stick around at something long enough, you feel proud of your commitment, and it becomes one of the greatest sources of happiness for yourself.
3. Express Yourself
I have learned in life the hard way that you need to express yourself in a healthy way.
For many of us, there have been countless instances when we wanted to do something but felt shy and hesitant.
Our decisions are often driven by worst-case scenarios, even if their probability is minuscule.
Further, social conditioning can dominate our behavior to such an extent that we keep living inside our heads, and our emotions never get a chance to come out.
What is emotion? It’s just Energy and Motion trapped in your body because of a thought.
With a restrictive behavior, this energy keeps accumulating over time, hindering us from achieving that peaceful state of mind necessary for harboring happiness.
4. Nurture close Relationships
An 80-year long study on happiness conducted by Harvard scientists (Harvard Study of Adult Development) revealed a strong correlation between happiness and close relationships, such as those that we have with our spouse, friends, family, and social circle.
The research tracked the lives of 724 men since they were teenagers in 1938 (only 19 of them are alive to date).
And when you think about it, the relationships that you build as a child are much more genuine and close than most of the ones that you make as an adult.
It’s no surprise that our best friends are often made during childhood when the mind is unadulterated with judgments and expectations.
When your close relationships are in good health, you automatically stay positive and motivated to overcome other challenges in life.
They hold the master key to your overall happiness.
Your belief is crucial
As I said, I’m not an expert on psychology or happiness. I just talk about things that work in my life and help me improve it further.
But I hope that my post gives you a new perspective on how to find happiness. The specific things that you need to do might be different, but the underlying principles would be the same.
Ultimately, believing in yourself is crucial to achieving anything in life. I hope you find the happiness that you seek, good luck!
